i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
