So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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