I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize