somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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