Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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