so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
