your parents love me but you hate me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
