No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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