From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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