So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
