we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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