one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
