im six kinds of drunk right now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
