Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
