My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
