I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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