Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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