I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
