I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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