Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
