the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
