shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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