God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
