You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
