Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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