The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
