The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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