i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
