Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
