my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
