Why does Corona taste like a burp?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
