my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
