what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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