ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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