yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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