I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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