she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
