It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
