My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
