This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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