I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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