just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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