I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
