Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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