Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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