When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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