ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
