worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
