the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize