i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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