I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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