brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
