Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
