I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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