6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My penis needs a shock collar
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
