he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
