i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
