I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
