Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
