when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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