just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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