three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
