Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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