I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
