ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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