She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
