just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
