her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
