We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize