so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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