Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Are my feet made of real feet?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
