brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
