Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize