i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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