i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
