You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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